My dad may be gay

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I don’t think the traits that I’m beginning to notice necessarily reflect a change in his sexual orientation, but he seems to have acquired certain characteristics that one commonly associates with ‘the gays’. My dad called ‘just to talk’ yesterday. That alone is a bit unusual. But, he tends to get a bit ‘cuddly’ when he is separated from his wife for more than an hour at a time. Mom had stayed behind at the cabin with her “bridge-playing bimbos”. Bridge-playing and bimbo sounds like an oxymoron to me, but I think dad is a bit intimidated, so he resorts to name-calling. I’m not surprised he left the cabin. Most likely he was politely asked to leave.

The phone rings and after a moment of panic (dad rarely calls except for something major and unpleasant); I realize he has just called to chat. At first, it seems like any other phone call when a man is trying to hold up one end of a conversation. Awkward. Men hate talking on phones. I think it’s genetic. At least straight men hate talking on phones. But eventually he warms up a bit and starts telling me how he took Al to the liquor store so he could recoup some of the money he loses from Al’s foraging habits. I should explain. My brother Al lives next door (literally) to mom and dad. This means that he drops by for ‘dinner and drinks’ frequently (whether or not mom and dad are home).

So, dad is at the liquor store with his shopping cart, picking out Bailey’s Irish cream and assorted fruit-flavored liquers. Al wanders off, probably looking for a case of Leinenkugel. Dad approaches an employee and inquires about a raspberry beer. The employee says “no” he hasn’t heard of that. Next, dad begins to describe a cherry beer he might like instead. The employee becomes uncomfortable. “No”, he hasn’t heard of that either. “How about an apricot beer”, dad persists. At some point Al pulls dad to the side and says. “Why didn’t you just ask him to point you to the gay section of the liquor store?”

Later in the conversation, I tell my dad that husband Don Aldo and I are planning to see that ‘ABBA play’ this weekend. Oooooh he squeals, “Mamma Mia”? I loved that play. What a great band! He proceeds to tell me that the A’s and the B’s in ABBA stand for the names of the two couples in the band and that for a while A was married to B and B to A, but then they broke up so the band fell apart. Tragedy. Apparently, mom and dad routinely listen to ABBA tapes on the way up to the cabin. They have real ABBA tapes and ‘Mamma Mia, the musical tapes’. Sounds like my dad is a real ABBA connoisseur.

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4 Responses

  1. I feel it is necessary for me to defend the sexual proclivities of my husband!! He is many things…mostly good…but definitely NOT gay!!! We have 3 wonderful children and many “lovely evenings” to prove it….although you will just have to take my word for that. Besides, he was probably trying to buy those beers for me….I learned to like “fruity” beer in Belgium. I thought we were finally becoming “with it” when we discovered a 1970 group that we liked. Before that it was Bing Crosby and Perry Como….you HAVE heard of them, haven’t you? His drinking habits MAY be a little unusual. Besides bourbon and margueritas, he likes almond champagne, kir, and Baileys. He is not particularly fond of the peach champagne but maybe he should try it again. Tiger thinks he should get out his Liberace CD and again watch Les Cages aux Folles!!

  2. I thought I might get a reaction with this one.

  3. Tiger says, “you always were a trouble maker!!” I thought it was pretty funny myself.

  4. It was a great play. Although I definitely prefer real ABBA to the Mamma Mia version. My favorite part was the end when they did some of ABBA’s most popular songs as a big group.

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